The Big Old Indian Family.

Disclaimer: This article is intended for peers only. Biggies(or youths) who find this irrational and disrespecting, are not advised to read along. I am not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any inspirational or eye-opening remark.

Before going through this article, please note that I am NOT THE FAMILY MAN KINDA PERSON. I am fairly different, from exploring places to reading novels to watching contemporaries to spending time alone. I do what I like and mind it, it has got to do nothing with those "You surely disrespect your family" and "You don’t know about the real world, son" type stereotype statements. That’s why, if you flinch on reading this and start with usual monotones like "He is selfish" or "At present he is blinded" I give a shit. This (blogging) is the best option to pour my shit out.

So, my destruction of Indian Society, its people and its values continues yet again. Ever wondered what would have happened if some situations in life would have happened in a different way? Like, the equation was modified sometimes? Or, specifically speaking, what if some fussy members in the equation were taken out?


Well, today, my ire goes out with solidarity to my beautifully annoying relatives.

Being the socially awkward person that I am; I absolutely detest running into relatives (especially annoying ones) suddenly. If I could, I’d avoid these embarrassing encounters by hiding in a bin – yes, really, well lets say it's figurative because you won't find garbage bins mostly here. Or when you suddenly reach home to find them - all staring at you in unison - with the single most irritating question - "what are you doing?" And why does their face appear larger than ever? Admittedly, I have tried to ignore them by pretending to engage in different things (the computer has been a real saviour); but you can’t ignore a person forever. And why does their bell ring whether I become a lakhpati or be a run-off with (buddhimaan) janta's money from a fake chit fund? Let me live my damn life and please don't harass my parents.

Again, there is at least one who is hell bent on fixing my marriage dates as soon as possible. "Ab to Pratik ki baari hai.." What the hell man, you got nothing else to do? Itna mann hai to khud jake firse shaadi kar lo! "Ladki ke family ka acha status hona chahiye!" Now if I fall in love with the daughter of a underworld father-figure, is there a fault with me? Kitni baar should I repeat the same filmy dialogue that "Pyaar ho jata hai.."

There are also some relatives who are hell bent on tampering with my family's principles and ways of doing things. "You should book a big car for the function.." Is going by an auto-rickshaw or a small car that hurting? And what is the point in showing off when the best food you have eaten whole-heartedly is only Puri-Aloo! Ya, packaging is more important than content but that doesn't mean that I should stop leaving my life to make a place in the famed society! Among other things I hate from my gut is when the male member leaves about 5% from the lunch and it's eaten by his respective female partner. "Pyaar badhta hai.." Huh! To hell with such beliefs. Pyaar badhega with such people who always try to pura karo apna interests rather than putting khushiyan in the boy's life.

And there are those who act as racists, pedophiles but always go away because they are mature and respectable members. If you try to educate them, you would be shushed away by your mother, who would say, "You don't know, humne duniya dekhi hai.." Okay, somehow you have seen some world in your 50-some years mostly living inside a house, I can make that. While I, who has travelled to places and been in touch with double the people you can remember, I have a mere 10% of your experience. "Baccha hai, thoda khel raha hai!" What the fuck "..thoda khel raha hai?" The baby would be trying to sleep while the over sized aunt would be holding the baby's penis like a marshmallow and playing with it!

And at the top, someone would be yelling at you, "It's all about family.." Oh yes, it’s all about family all right. The only problem is, you didn’t know you were getting this family when you were born from your mother. And now you're trapped as they constantly prattle on about family and God and how the girl next door responded to her family's needs by blah blah blah and won everybody's hearts blah blah blah.

A friend of mine believes that everyone has an annoying relative – if not, you’re the annoying one. I have relatives who live all over the country, which makes me running away to a safer place harder. And my family expects me to have instant connection with all those relatives - which is again a problem. Mix with those people who are socially admired for politics(read: home management) and money laundering(read: savings) and back-biting(read: only chatting) and conceiting(read: reiterating about one's position in the society)? Never!

Have you ever experienced that horrible feeling of dread when you’re told that a relative you don’t like is coming to visit? I immediately begin to make plans to leave the house. But when I can’t leave, I spend the whole day thinking: “Fuck my life.” Its passable if my computer's not dead, but at times best pals also turn traitors! So I dedicate the rest of my time to wishing I was dead.

So if some of my respective relatives were out of the family equation, we would have:-
1. More Freedom
2. More Money
3. More Family-Space
4. More Inherited Property
5. More Happiness

You can’t limit your family like fencing your property, but sometimes I wish I could!

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